


paved paradise

by silvergalaxy



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Arguing, Enemies to Lovers, Fluff and Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-20
Updated: 2017-02-20
Packaged: 2018-09-25 18:26:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9837977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silvergalaxy/pseuds/silvergalaxy
Summary: Not only has Raphael stolen his parking spot and infiltrated his friend group, now he knows that Simon thinks he’s attractive.





	

**Author's Note:**

> i've fallen into the saphael abyss and am not planning on leaving anytime soon. 
> 
> title is from joni mitchell's "big yellow taxi" and i was inspired by [this text post](http://lizdexia.tumblr.com/post/117050708072/aus-for-when-your-otp-are-both-assholes).

* * *

“You have got to me kidding me,” Simon huffs, slamming his head down onto the wheel of his car. 

Simon is getting pretty sick of this. 

_This_ is whatever asshole has been stealing his parking space since the beginning of the week. He’s never seen the vehicle before Monday, when he arrived to his unassigned-assigned spot to find a tiny, hybrid car where his belonged. It was so small that it wasn’t noticeable until he’d already begun to pull into his spot, stopping just in time before he rammed into the back of the vehicle. Confused and sort of annoyed, Simon had furrowed his brow, but carefully backed out, turning his - reasonably sized, thank you very much - SUV around in search of somewhere else to park. He had shrugged it off, assuming it was a visitor who had no parking lot etiquette, and that come Tuesday, he’d be happily parked in parking space B5, where he belongs.

Tuesday came, and the baby-blue dinky was once again in his spot. Whatever, it was sunny and Simon skipped the gym last night in favour of watching The Bachelor with Clary and Izzy, so it’s not as if a five minute walk was gonna hurt him. 

But then it happens again, on Wednesday, and now again, today. It’s not like it should be a big deal, not really. It’s a block of pavement, he tells himself. But it’s _his_ block of pavement, god damn it. 

Thursday night, he invites himself over to Maia’s, intent on devising a master plan to claim back what’s rightfully his from the Parking Spot Thief. 

“So fucking dramatic,” says Jace from across the room, shoving a slice of pizza into his mouth. Simon looks over at him from where he’s sitting with Maia on the sofa. 

“Clearly you’ve never experienced the emotional trauma of someone stealing your beloved parking spot,” Simon replies, hands flailing. “If I don’t do something about it now, they’re gonna think that I don’t care. And I do! So, like, what are we gonna do about this, guys?”

“I am _not_ playing along with your crazy parking lot duel idea,” Maia sighs from his right, swiping a layer of metallic pink nail polish over her nails. 

Throwing his hands up into the air, Simon leans back into the cushions, groaning. “So helpful. So understanding. Honestly, you guys are the best friends I could have ever asked for.”

“Knock it off, Lewis. We’re gonna pretend you didn’t come over here to stage a rescue mission for your parking space, capisce?”

“Yeah, yeah,” grumbles Simon.

* * *

Late that night, lying in his bed, Simon comes up with his own plan. It takes a while for him to decide on the best route to take, but what he ends up with seems pretty freakin’ promising, no thanks to his friends. 

_Step One: Arrive to work early._

Alright, maybe the first step would have been easier if it didn’t take him until 2AM to come up with it, but, you gotta do what you gotta do. So on Friday morning, Simon arrives half an hour early. He sits in his car, eyes strained, trying his very hardest to be alert. The pounding rain doesn’t make his lookout any easier, and he’s struggling to pick out shapes from behind the windshield, so he turns his wipers on, sits back, and waits. 

_Step Two: Wait for The Parking Spot Thief to Arrive._

Okay, so maybe his plan is pretty short. Now, all he has to do is wait for his co workers to arrive. When the infamous thief arrives, Simon will speedily pull into his stolen parking space, and walk out of the car like a total boss. Take that, you ruffian. 

_Step Three: Don’t Fall Asleep_

Maybe Simon should’ve added this step to his original plan. It’s just that, he was so tired, and the sound of the rain was so soothing, and the Parking Spot Thief was taking forever to actually show up to work. He feels his eyes flutter closed briefly, and figures that a quick blink or two won’t hurt him.

When he jolts awake, his car is still idling in front of the building, the stupid hybrid car is in his spot, it’s 8:48, and Simon is late. 

Simon is also out of a parking space, because literally everyone else in the building has arrived, apparently. 

“Fuck.”

Fifteen minutes later, Simon is standing drenched in the lobby, trying his best to shake as much water out of his clothes as possible before he gets into the elevator. He’s pretty sure he’s got some workout clothes in his office, so it’s not like he’s gonna be soaking wet all day, which is the only thing keeping him from screaming. He stomps into the elevator, moodily pressing _8_ , and stands in silence, listening to the water droplets from his jacket bounce against the floor. 

The elevator pings, and Simon steps out, his trail of water dutifully following him. He shuffles down the hallway to his office, ignoring the curious stares his co workers give him as he passes. He waves half-heartedly to Clary, who is the only one who knows him well enough to look outrightly amused, before shutting the door behind him, looking for something to change into.

* * *

He spends his weekend vegging out on his couch, browsing websites for local animal shelters, and hoping that the Hybrid Car From Hell was a one week only deal, and that he’d never have to see that tiny excuse for a vehicle again. 

Except, fuck, it’s totally back again. Out of pure frustration, and the sudden realization that this thievery isn’t going to stop any time soon, he slams his fist onto the horn, startling a group of birds that were chirping overhead. He’s about to start his search for a second class parking spot when out of the corner of his eye, he sees movement near Satan’s car. 

He sits there, mouth agape, as Mr. Steal Your Parking Spot obnoxiously slides out of the driver’s seat, adjusting his suit and slinging a bag over his shoulder. He smirks in Simon’s direction, holding up a hand as if to say “Good morning,” and wow, what a smoking hot asshole. He’s got black hair that’s styled flawlessly, and the most gorgeous dark eyes Simon has ever seen. Simon dreads having to confront him about his thievery, but he’s not going to back down now just because the guy’s got a cute face. 

He waves back, immediately cursing himself afterwards. He has manners, alright, and waving to someone who just waved to you is a polite reflex. 

Fumbling momentarily, he looks around wildly for the nearest empty spot, relieved when he finds one relatively quickly. Jumping out of his car, he walks as fast as he can without actually breaking out into a light sprint. He knows if he doesn’t set this straight now while he’s gonna lose his nerve, so it’s a now or never kind of scenario. 

Hot Stuff is just stepping into the elevator when Simon rushes through the front door, and he must notice Simon striding to the elevator, because he holds his hand out to block the door from closing.

“Thanks,” Simon breathes out once he’s slipped into the elevator, adjusting the strap of his bag from where it’s slipped off his shoulder. He looks to the number pad and sees that the man has selected _14_. Then, he looks at his watch and sees that it’s 8:29. So, Simon decides to give The Parking Spot Thief a taste of his own medicine. He leans over, getting in the guy’s space, and carelessly presses the buttons for every single floor.

“Hey, what the hell?” he says, surprised, looking at Simon like he’s a lunatic. They reach floor two, the elevator pings, the doors open and close, and they begin to move up again. 

“Just here to make sure you’re late for work,” Simon replies cheerily, smiling his sweetest smile.

“Who are you?” The guy asks, a perplexed look on his face. “And why do you want me to show up late?”

 _Ping_ , floor three. 

“Simon,” Simon replies, sticking his hand out jovially. In return, he gets a tentative handshake, and he continues on. “And I’m here for payback. Who are you?”

“Okay, _Simon_ , I’m Raphael. Seeing you didn’t know my name, I’m pretty sure you don’t know me well enough to want any sort of payback.” 

“Au contraire,” Simon counters, and Raphael raises an eyebrow, looking effortlessly cocky and cool. “You’ve been stealing my parking space for a week, buddy, and I’m not here to be like, mean, because that’s totally not me, okay?”

 _Ping_ , floor four. 

“Right,” Raphael replies, amused.

“So, um, can you stop? Doing that? Because it’s mine,” Simon says, hoping his nervousness isn’t glaringly obvious to his hot elevator companion. 

“I wasn’t aware there were assigned parking spaces,” says Raphael cooly, his jaw twitching as the elevator doors swoosh open on the fifth floor. 

“Well, there aren’t, actually,” Simon admits. Raphael opens his mouth to argue back, but Simon swifty cuts him off. “But that one is mine! It’s an unassigned-assigned spot, you know? Like in college when you have your seat, and like, you know it’s your seat, and then one day Jane with the stupid braid sits in it instead, and it’s like, c’mon, Jane, I’ve been sitting here all semester. Y’know?”

 _Ping_ , floor six. 

“Mhm,” hums Raphael noncommittally, and that’s not going to work for Simon. He needs a definitive answer on whether or not Raphael is going to give up his thieving ways. He waits a moment, hoping for an actual response, but gets none. 

“I’ll get your stupid freakin’ car towed, man,” he says eventually.

“Stupid?” Raphael repeats, his wide and offended. “Hybrid vehicles can reduce air emissions of smog-forming pollutants by up to 90% and cut carbon dioxide emissions in half, I’ll have you know.”

 _Ping_ , floor seven. 

“Whatever, David Suzuki,” Simon fires back, frustrated that his plan is seemingly going nowhere. “Are you gonna stop parking there, or not?”

“No, I won’t,” Raphael says calmly, looking at Simon with a challenge in his eyes. “If you want the spot, you’ll have to get there first.”

“Ugh,” Simon huffs, throwing his hands in the air. “Unbelievable, man, really. You think you’re so cool, don’t you?”

“Yeah, kind of,” Raphael replies, voice dripping with fake sincerity. 

_Ping_ , floor eight. 

Simon walks out of the elevator, turns around and catches Raphael’s eye. He brings his fingers up to his face, and makes the _I’m watching you_ motion.

The corner of Raphael’s mouth twitches, and the elevator doors slide closed.

* * *

That night, he’s on the phone with Maia complaining about Raphael, and his stupid car, and his stupid smile, and his infuriating indifference to Simon’s pleas.

“What did you expect? You insulted him and made him late for work, and then thought he was going to immediately apologize and offer you your spot back?” Maia says, once Simon has filled her in on the morning’s events. 

“Uh, well, yeah,” Simon admits, scratching his head. “It’s mine.”

“You’re being so childish about this, Simon. He works in your building, you’re going to have to deal with him at some point. So act like an adult and pick a new parking spot.”

“You say it like that’s so easy,” Simon complains, flopping backwards onto his bed, bouncing on the mattress. 

“Because it is, doofus. G’night.” And then she hangs up.

And Simon is pretty sure she’s 100% correct.

* * *

So Simon respectfully parks in another spot on Tuesday morning, and pretends his jaw isn’t clenched when he drives past Raphael’s car in his spot. The spot. Whatever. He doesn’t care.

He manages to avoid seeing Raphael until Thursday, when they both show up at the elevator at the same time again. 

Simon presses _8_ , and steps back, preparing for an awkwardly silent ride. 

“You forget to press some numbers?” Raphael says once the doors have shut, a mischievous look in his eye. 

“No,” Simon mutters shortly, trying to ignore how good Raphael looks this morning. 

“Here, I’ll help you out,” he says with a smug grin, and presses his palm against the number pad, successfully hitting the buttons for all the floors at once. “There we go.”

“Insufferable,” Simon remarks, staring directly ahead and pointedly ignoring Raphael, who surely is very pleased with himself. 

_Ping. Ping. Ping. Ping. Ping. Ping. Ping. Ping._

The silence is broken when Simon walks forward to step out onto the eighth floor when Raphael says, “You’ve got a dryer sheet stuck to your shirt, Simon.”

Cheeks flaming, he turns back around so Raphael can see his face while he flips him off. 

He only rips the dryer sheet off his back once the elevator doors have hid him from Raphael’s view.

* * *

Saturday night, he arrives at Clary and Izzy’s party with the intention of getting totally plastered so he can forget all about his shitty week. Not only was he annoyed with Raphael and his endless parking spot theft, but his boss has been piling more and more work on him then he can handle, so he’s been staying late and working through his lunch break to finish it all. That being said, it is an office party, so it’s not a total escape, but at least the managers wouldn’t be here to throw paperwork onto his lap.

He’s toeing off his sneakers in the foyer, booze in hand, when he sees him. 

Raphael. Standing in Clary’s living room, beer clutched in his fist, smiling innocently at some lady who’s in Izzy’s yoga class. 

What the hell.

“ _What the hell_?” Simon hisses at Clary when he notices her, grabbing her by the hand and pulling her into a secluded area of the kitchen. 

“What? What’s up?” Clary whispers back, clearly confused. 

“That,” Simon points to Raphael in a dramatic fashion, “Is the Parking Spot Thief. In your home!”

Clary turns around, craning her head to see who Simon is talking about. “Raphael is the guy you’ve been complaining about all this time?” She says, disbelievingly. 

“Yes,” Simon whispers back, looking out to make sure that Raphael hasn’t noticed him yet.

“He seems so sweet, though,” Clary remarks, frowning. “He’s been great in meetings. Maia is right, you are overreacting about this.”

“Noooo, no no no. No. Don’t call him that, he’s ruined every morning of mine for the past two weeks.”

“Go talk to him about something that isn’t your stupid parking spot, I bet you two actually have a lot more in common than you may think, Si.”

“Yeah, doubtful.”

“Don’t be a buzzkill, you’re here to relax. If you really don’t want to play nice, then keep the negativity to yourself, got it?”

“Aye aye, Captain Clary,” Simon jokes, letting a small smile appear on his face. He’s not here to ruin anyone’s night, and he’s not gonna stress his best friend out over his ongoing feud with Raphael, no matter how annoyed he is. He’ll just hang out with people who have no reason to be near Raphael. Yeah, that’ll work. There are a few people here who don’t work in their building, like Magnus, Alec’s boyfriend. Obviously there’s Jace and Maia, too, but they’re total traitors right now, so Simon’s gonna spread his horizons a little. 

He gives Clary a quick hug, motioning for her to go back and join in on her party. He looks around, trying to spot Alec’s tall figure through the crowd, because he knows that Magnus will be hovering somewhere close by. When he finally spots them, he does his best to walk across the room as inconspicuously as possible so as to not draw any unwanted attention towards himself. It works, and a few seconds later he’s squeezing his way into the crowd of people listening to Magnus tell a story about an unruly customer he had to throw out of his club a few nights ago. 

He’s quite the storyteller, making hilarious voices to imitate the petulant customer, rolling his eyes and leaving dramatic pauses in perfectly timed intervals. Simon finds his mood to be lifted immediately, and once the story is over and the small group begins to spread out again, Simon shifts closer to Magnus. 

“Hey,” he says, clinking their drinks together amicably. 

“Simon,” Magnus greets, happily. He’s either too tipsy or too lazy to create a ridiculous nickname for him tonight, and Simon can’t say he minds. “How are you?”

“Just glad that someone else had a shitty work week,” Simon admits sheepishly. “Power in numbers, right?”

“Of course,” Magnus agrees solemnly, taking a sip of his martini. “Tell me about your week, since you’ve clearly been caught up on mine.”

Simon rocks back on his heels, looking around to make sure Raphael isn’t in hearing distance. 

“The hottest douchebag in the history of like, ever, stole my parking spot,” Simon whines quietly, and Magnus’s eyes light up immediately. His eyes dart over the crowd behind Simon, finally settling on someone before snapping back to Simon.

“Tell me more,” he prompts, voice eager. Alec has moved away by now, but not before blatantly rolling his eyes, clearly having heard enough about Simon’s parking lot war through his sister. 

“Um, well. Like, I have my parking space,” Simon begins, “And I mean, it’s mine, right? So it’s a given that I’m gonna be annoyed when some random person starts parking his miniature car in it.”

Magnus nods, urging him to go on.

So Simon tells him all about his two step plan, the falling asleep, the waterlogged elevator ride. He’s just getting to the real juicy bit when it happens. 

“I’m there, like in my car but not in my space, and then he gets out of _his_ car in _my_ spot, and that’s when I realized that the Parking Spot Thief is not only a thief, but he’s also the most attractive person I have ever seen in real life.”

“Now, Simon, that’s just too sweet of you,” says a voice, way too close to his ear, and oh. Holy freakin’ shit. 

Raphael is literally right behind him, smiling ear to ear, cheeks flushed, eyes crinkled into happy crescents. He’s looking directly at Simon, and Simon debates pretending that it wasn’t him who just said that, but he doesn’t think that’s gonna be very believable. Especially considering both Magnus and Raphael watched and heard him say it. 

Simon looks at Raphael, then at Magnus, then back to Raphael, then back to Magnus again.

Magnus just shrugs, eyes twinkling. “Raphael and I went to college together,” he states simply.

Simon opens his mouth, searching desperately for something witty to say to hide the fact that he just embarrassed himself in front of Raphael, but his tongue won’t move and his brain feels like it’s vibrating in his head, and his stomach feels way too sloshy for the few sips of his drink he’s actually taken. 

So he runs.

* * *

Clary calls him five times, leaves two voicemails, and four texts after she sees him fleeing her apartment. 

Simon pretends not to hear his phone ring, but texts her back a quick _I’m home_ , because he’s not that much of an inconsiderate ass to leave his lifelong best friend worrying about his whereabouts. Then he turns his phone off, shoves his head under a pillow, and tries to convince himself that tonight didn’t happen. 

Not only has Raphael stolen his parking spot and infiltrated his friend group, now he knows that Simon thinks he’s attractive. Simon can only hope he’s not a homophobic piece of crap, because then his life will truly enter a whole new level of hell. He supposes that Raphael can’t actually be that bothered by his comment given the genuine smile on his face when Simon said it. Now that Simon thinks about it, it wasn’t anything like the smirk Simon had become accustomed to seeing from him. Maybe Raphael doesn’t care that Simon thinks he’s hot? It is a compliment, after all. 

Groaning, Simon rolls over in bed, looking up at the blurry ceiling above him. 

How is he ever supposed to show up at work again?

* * *

Simon plans on spending Sunday in a blanket of self pity, but Jace barges into his apartment at around ten o’clock, demanding that Simon join him at the gym.

“I should have never given you that spare key,” Simon whines, covering his eyes with his forearm as Jace yanks up his blinds, filling his room with early morning light. 

“Blah, blah, blah,” says Jace, throwing Simon’s gym bag onto his legs. “Get up, bud. You’re gonna have a decent day whether you want to or not, I don’t care how much you complain.”

Jace is actually a pretty good motivator, in a “I’m mean, but I love you” sort of way, and Simon groans, but gets out of bed, swinging his legs over the mattress, letting his bare feet hit his cold bedroom floor. 

“There we go,” Jace observes happily. “We’re not gonna let one punk steal your sunshine.”

* * *

The workout does make him feel better, and by Monday morning, Simon is feeling ready to face whatever the day has in store for him, even if that includes Raphael finding him and telling him off for looking at his pretty face. 

That being said, he does intentionally show up slightly later than usual in hopes that this way, he’d totally avoid running into Raphael in the elevator. 

But, when he shows up to his new, unassigned-assigned parking spot, Raphael is already sitting there in his parked car.

This is just a new kind of cruel, and Simon puts his car in park right there, hopping out, gesturing at Raphael, who’s still sitting in his tiny car. 

“What the hell, dude?” Simon asks as soon as Raphael steps outside. “I’m sorry I called you handsome, okay, it won’t happen again. But you can’t just follow me around the parking lot, stealing all my new spots.”

Raphael huffed out a small laugh, raising his hands in feigned surrender. “Not my plan, I promise. I just didn’t know what other way to find you before work,” he explains, a note of honesty in his voice. 

“Oh,” says Simon, not really sure what to say now that it’s apparent that arguing isn’t in the plans for this morning. 

“Yeah,” Raphael says. “For the record, I don’t mind you calling me handsome, especially since I said the exact same thing about you to Magnus before the party.”

“I, what? I mean, what?” Simon says, eyes wide. He can feel a warmth in his face, and he hopes his blush isn’t too noticeable to Raphael, who’s staring at him quite fondly, which is like, the weirdest thing to ever happen. 

“I think you’re handsome,” Raphael clarifies, stepping closer to Simon. He holds out a hand, thrusting a piece of paper in Simon’s direction. It’s folded loose leaf, and when Simon opens it up, he sees loopy handwriting scrawled diagonally across the page.

_Simon Lewis  
Rightful Unassigned-Assigned owner of parking space B5_

And then, scribbled below like an afterthought:

_917-556-8356_

“What’s this?” Simon says, glancing up from the paper to meet Raphael’s gaze. 

“A parking permit. And, uh, my phone number. Incase you want it.” He looks away from Simon, a rosy hue making home on his cheeks. 

“I- wow. I mean, yes, sure. I want it,” Simon bumbles, smile stretching wide across his face. Raphael looks back at him, ducking his head, momentarily shy before responding. Oh god, he’s even cuter like this, Simon thinks hysterically. 

“Yeah?” He says, hopeful.

“Hell yeah,” Simon replies, grinning goofily at him.

A loud horn shocks them out of their reverie, and Simon remembers that he’s blocking off an entire lane with his car. They can wait, Simon is having a moment. 

It’s Monday, the sun is shining, Raphael is in his parking spot, his number is in Simon’s palm, and Simon has never been happier.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoyed! come visit me on [tumblr](http://softsimon.tumblr.com) :-)


End file.
